homesick

by flower face

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1.
02:21
2.
03:31
3.
4.
03:55
5.
05:49
6.
04:26
7.
03:31
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10.
03:11

about

written, recorded and mixed by me over a period of several months. special thanks to ben for talking to me about ghosts.

credits

released 17 May 2014

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license

all rights reserved

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Track Name: bedhead
wake me up early in the morning
quiet yawn and bedhead
coffee on the table
and you make my life feel like a movie
late night walks and sex hair
sleeping on the front lawn

sixteen hours and i'm ready to go
baby, hold on
as we walk into the fire
and i couldn't say i could but i would
if you wanted me to
burning like a livewire

i think you're like a firefly i've caught
you think i'm crazy but i'm not
i know it's time to go but i've got a thousand stories that
i want to tell you before the sun goes down
i'm not myself when you're not around
i think it's time we leave this town
your voice is the only sound i cannot play and the notes
i cannot name in my favourite song
though the days are short and the nights are long
though every single thing could go wrong
summer will come and along with it
a place in the world where we belong
Track Name: blue
midnight to noon there's flowers on the table
and i love you, love you, love you while i'm able
to say it, i'll say it, i'll say it til the day that i die
when the sun comes up and the lights go down
i will run run run from the higher ground
won't be disappointed when you say we're going home
cause it's been six months and nothing is changing
i don't know if i'm growing, i don't know if i'm aging
if i'm stronger, braver, maybe just a bit less afraid
on the edge of sixteen and falling asleep on the city bus
i don't know who i am and i certainly
don't know where the hell i'm going

blue, i know that it's hard to be real
when the blood is on your hands and the world's beneath your heels
maybe you're just one for unconventional affection
but baby, that's alright, i'll be whatever helps you sleep at night

i forgive you for the words you said last night
i forgive you for the way you held on too tight
sorry i turned away, i didn't want to cry in front of you
we sat together on the centre of my bed
while you told me all the reasons you hate radiohead
but their record's on my turntable, that song's stuck in my head
your profile's built of shadows on my wall
and it's just so hard for me to take this all
in at once, you're sleeping and i'm wide awake
once the year's over i can't remember anything
all i ever do is sleep and sing
songs about places that i will never see

blue, i know that it's hard to let go
when it's all you've ever felt, it's all you've ever known
i keep my eyes on the ground, you keep your hand on my back
from when the sun rises to when the sky turns black

they broke you down so easily, why do you stand alone?
they tore you down so easily, why are you standing alone?
you say it's just a cycle of heartache, so why do you carry it on?
seven years old in a moonlit world, how did you make it alone?

blue, i'm sorry i can't be what you need
it's not easy to wake up, it's not easy to breathe
i ran for cover as your walls came crashing down
but you just let yourself crumble to the ground
Track Name: cloud factories
we left the party at half past nine
our friends are all out getting high
and the night is cold and miserable
but you've never looked so beautiful

with your jacket pulled up to your chin
raindrops clinging to your skin
and your eyes are full of shooting stars
reflected headlights from passing cars

and the cloud factories way up high
paint a grey-smoke sunrise in the sky
and it comes to carry you away
with red ribbons and a black bouquet

i pass your gravestone on my way to school
beside a white fence backyard swimming pool
get to class, calm my shaking bruised up jaw
fall asleep behind books about algebra

and i dream about a world where we both wake up
with sleepy eyes and coffee cups
and the cloud factories way up high
paint pictures of us in the sky
Track Name: quinoa
thursday morning, happy birthday
it could be so much worse than this
i'm having trouble breathing again
send me to the ocean and i'll learn to swim

knee socks, heart shaped sunglasses
i've tried so hard not to cry in front of you
you told me i could be anything i wanted
all i want to be is everything i'm not

swallowing ice and my wicked thoughts
with death on my mind, i don't know where to begin
i'll stop running from myself when i learn to tell time
i'll stop relying on you when you tell me to go

happy birthday to me,
the lights go out and i'm afraid
happy birthday to me, enjoy yourself,
i'm a thousand miles away

i got high in a convenience store and thought i saw god
on cigarette cartons and nothing at all

you're forgetful on your best days but i hope that you remember me

i don't know how anyone can sleep in this place
summer never comes and all the houses look the same
i've spent years forgetting people like you
because no one ever cares for long enough to keep me sane

and god, how do you sleep at night?
i'm sorry for my shaky knees and messy hair
i've been so wrong that i've forgotten how to be right
walk away, walk away, walk away
Track Name: linger
bare legs in the snow, you cut my hair
and told me to get some sleep
i don't want to go anywhere without you
i don't want to go anywhere at all
the snow filled the air, an icing sugar dream
i wrote my name on the window
you closed all the doors as the lights went out
living by candlelight during the storm
they all shake their heads, write poisonous words
in ink that stains my skin
though i fall apart so easily, you keep your head
reassuring and promising me

you said,
"i will take care of you, i don't care if it's not allowed
say what they will, we don't have to stick around
we can go anywhere, we can go anyplace that you want
oh please baby don't cry, slow down and hold my hand
i love you, believe me, but your search for a better man
has left you so bitter, shaken by the winter wind
and i know that you're scared, i know that you're tired of this
afraid of the thoughts you can't get out of your head
you never expected, you never see it coming at all."

your voice on the phone is the only thing that i've known
to be pure
the words you speak circulate and they keep my heart awake
i am sure
though your memories exceed mine, you were a child in another time
i know what i need
right now i'm waiting for you, it's all i know how to do
regardless of what may follow, we'll proceed

we can run away in the night, escape it all, everything
go to new york or straight up to outer space
make love in the clouds, sleep soundly among the angels
we have suitcases filled with road maps and dollar bills
train tickets, coffee cups and decades of time to kill
i want you right now, i want you til the day that i die
there's a war in the sky, gunfire and burning flags
but nothing compares to the battle my heart has waged
if i die by your hand, i will die with your flag at my side.
Track Name: easy
father doesn't smoke but he's still all black inside
mother's words still burn her throat, alcohol and pesticide
i slept beside a boy with terror in his eyes
i tried to calm his demons but he burned me to get high

i hope my blood's still on his sheets
i hope my voice still haunts his dreams
i'm holding out for medicine to hold me while i sleep
love songs make me sick and i write them all the time
holding candles to my skin to fuel the storm inside
tidal waves to drown me, hurricanes to make me blind

baby, make it easy
i've come this far for you

when i ran, i tried to run to you
but when you lied when you said you'd always tell the truth
and you killed yourself to win the race
but the finish line has turned to smoke
and we all got ahead

baby, make it easy
we don't want to cry for you

father doesn't smoke but he's still all black inside
mother's words still burn her throat, alcohol and pesticide

and if i miss you all my life,
i'll carry your flag and the sun will rise
baby, make it easy
i'm not gonna die for you

and if you find peace at the bottom of the sea,
we'll sleep each night by the shore so you feel less alone
baby, make it easy
no one's gonna die for you
Track Name: homesick
keep me far away from everything you love
keep me far away from everyone i know
i am nothing compared to who i used to be
i am nothing compared to you

i slept in the hotel lobby, i was homesick
i drowned in the bathtub, i've never been more alive
i called from a payphone thirty miles from my hometown
i slept by the river with the guilt of one who survived

i miss the footsteps in the morning
and the way you pull your hair out when you're scared
i see your early sunset eyes everywhere
i tried my best but i was never quite prepared

i watched the end of the world through my bedroom window
while you wrote me letters of sorrow on the train
i shattered my mirrors and threw my clothes from the rooftop
as you rose with the sun and set with the evening rain
tired tears and late night busted train tracks
this malignant love is bursting out of my veins
drive me home from the streetlights at three in the morning
take what you want from me and i'll burn what remains
Track Name: songbird (sing me to sleep)
stained glass window, holy water
cold hands on the minister's daughter
broken bones and a broken promise
why are you so alone?
why are you all alone?

summer's fever, winter's rain
sleeping through a hurricane
bare skin and shivering
you're not brave, let it go
you're not brave, let me go

songbird, songbird
sing me to sleep
everyone will stray, we're all wolves among the sheep
songbird, songbird
don't leave me here alone
i've been waiting for you all night and i don't want to go

you burned me faster than i burned my bridges
and i lost you in the ashes
cloudy eyes and baby bird bones
you get so high when you're sad
and you never come down

songbird, songbird
sing me to sleep
everyone will stray, we're all wolves among the sheep
songbird, songbird
don't leave me here alone
i've been waiting for you all night and i don't want to go
Track Name: bedroom ghost
you slipped suicide notes beneath my pillow as i slept
and in the morning the sun didn't come up
and the sun never came up again
everything here reminds me of you and it's getting harder to sleep
the sheets on my bed still smell like your skin
and it makes me sick, you make me sick, but why did you have to leave?

i told you "never die", i told you "never leave"
i didn't want you to haunt me, baby
you slept in the backyard under the tree
i didn't want you to haunt me, baby
i don't want you anymore
i don't want you anymore

while your mother arranged flowers in a vase downstairs
i undressed in your room
the night was quiet but the sirens blared in the evening gloom
i find traces of your footprints on the floor
i laugh at things i never would before
who are you to make me new? who are you to leave?

let's drink to our eternal life and all the things that brought us closer to the sky
our endless passion, our endless strife
when you pushed me to the edge but never let me fly
the curtains open to the streetlight glow
i didn't want you to haunt me, baby
i wish i could sleep out in the snow,
i didn't want you to haunt me, baby
i don't want you anymore
i don't want you anymore
i don't miss you anymore
i don't need you anymore
Track Name: anemia
i turned sixteen and cut off all my hair
to stop the eyes that followed me everywhere
i am a child, i am a child, i am a child, i am
pull out teeth with my bare hands

but our love is just novelty, we'll take what we can get
holding on to the shore as the tide came in

my blood is toxic, my blood is thin
dripping down beneath my translucent skin
i am a child, i am a child, i am a child, i am
forget my pills, fall asleep in class again

the tv's on, it's screaming at me and i don't know what to do
my arms are broken, i'm lying on the floor
you're all i think of anymore