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Homesick

by Flower Face

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1.
Bedhead 02:21
wake me up early in the morning quiet yawn and bedhead coffee on the table and you make my life feel like a movie late night walks and sex hair sleeping on the front lawn sixteen hours and i'm ready to go baby, hold on as we walk into the fire and i couldn't say i could but i would if you wanted me to burning like a livewire i think you're like a firefly i've caught you think i'm crazy but i'm not i know it's time to go but i've got a thousand stories that i want to tell you before the sun goes down i'm not myself when you're not around i think it's time we leave this town your voice is the only sound i cannot play and the notes i cannot name in my favourite song though the days are short and the nights are long though every single thing could go wrong summer will come and along with it a place in the world where we belong
2.
Blue 03:31
midnight to noon there's flowers on the table and i love you, love you, love you while i'm able to say it, i'll say it, i'll say it til the day that i die when the sun comes up and the lights go down i will run run run from the higher ground won't be disappointed when you say we're going home cause it's been six months and nothing is changing i don't know if i'm growing, i don't know if i'm aging if i'm stronger, braver, maybe just a bit less afraid on the edge of sixteen and falling asleep on the city bus i don't know who i am and i certainly don't know where the hell i'm going blue, i know that it's hard to be real when the blood is on your hands and the world's beneath your heels maybe you're just one for unconventional affection but baby, that's alright, i'll be whatever helps you sleep at night i forgive you for the words you said last night i forgive you for the way you held on too tight sorry i turned away, i didn't want to cry in front of you we sat together on the centre of my bed while you told me all the reasons you hate radiohead but their record's on my turntable, that song's stuck in my head your profile's built of shadows on my wall and it's just so hard for me to take this all in at once, you're sleeping and i'm wide awake once the year's over i can't remember anything all i ever do is sleep and sing songs about places that i will never see blue, i know that it's hard to let go when it's all you've ever felt, it's all you've ever known i keep my eyes on the ground, you keep your hand on my back from when the sun rises to when the sky turns black they broke you down so easily, why do you stand alone? they tore you down so easily, why are you standing alone? you say it's just a cycle of heartache, so why do you carry it on? seven years old in a moonlit world, how did you make it alone? blue, i'm sorry i can't be what you need it's not easy to wake up, it's not easy to breathe i ran for cover as your walls came crashing down but you just let yourself crumble to the ground
3.
we left the party at half past nine our friends are all out getting high and the night is cold and miserable but you've never looked so beautiful with your jacket pulled up to your chin raindrops clinging to your skin and your eyes are full of shooting stars reflected headlights from passing cars and the cloud factories way up high paint a grey-smoke sunrise in the sky and it comes to carry you away with red ribbons and a black bouquet i pass your gravestone on my way to school beside a white fence backyard swimming pool get to class, calm my shaking bruised up jaw fall asleep behind books about algebra and i dream about a world where we both wake up with sleepy eyes and coffee cups and the cloud factories way up high paint pictures of us in the sky
4.
Quinoa 03:55
thursday morning, happy birthday it could be so much worse than this i'm having trouble breathing again send me to the ocean and i'll learn to swim knee socks, heart shaped sunglasses i've tried so hard not to cry in front of you you told me i could be anything i wanted all i want to be is everything i'm not swallowing ice and my wicked thoughts with death on my mind, i don't know where to begin i'll stop running from myself when i learn to tell time i'll stop relying on you when you tell me to go happy birthday to me, the lights go out and i'm afraid happy birthday to me, enjoy yourself, i'm a thousand miles away i got high in a convenience store and thought i saw god on cigarette cartons and nothing at all you're forgetful on your best days but i hope that you remember me i don't know how anyone can sleep in this place summer never comes and all the houses look the same i've spent years forgetting people like you because no one ever cares for long enough to keep me sane and god, how do you sleep at night? i'm sorry for my shaky knees and messy hair i've been so wrong that i've forgotten how to be right walk away, walk away, walk away
5.
Linger 05:49
bare legs in the snow, you cut my hair and told me to get some sleep i don't want to go anywhere without you i don't want to go anywhere at all the snow filled the air, an icing sugar dream i wrote my name on the window you closed all the doors as the lights went out living by candlelight during the storm they all shake their heads, write poisonous words in ink that stains my skin though i fall apart so easily, you keep your head reassuring and promising me you said, "i will take care of you, i don't care if it's not allowed say what they will, we don't have to stick around we can go anywhere, we can go anyplace that you want oh please baby don't cry, slow down and hold my hand i love you, believe me, but your search for a better man has left you so bitter, shaken by the winter wind and i know that you're scared, i know that you're tired of this afraid of the thoughts you can't get out of your head you never expected, you never see it coming at all." your voice on the phone is the only thing that i've known to be pure the words you speak circulate and they keep my heart awake i am sure though your memories exceed mine, you were a child in another time i know what i need right now i'm waiting for you, it's all i know how to do regardless of what may follow, we'll proceed we can run away in the night, escape it all, everything go to new york or straight up to outer space make love in the clouds, sleep soundly among the angels we have suitcases filled with road maps and dollar bills train tickets, coffee cups and decades of time to kill i want you right now, i want you til the day that i die there's a war in the sky, gunfire and burning flags but nothing compares to the battle my heart has waged if i die by your hand, i will die with your flag at my side.
6.
Easy 04:26
father doesn't smoke but he's still all black inside mother's words still burn her throat, alcohol and pesticide i slept beside a boy with terror in his eyes i tried to calm his demons but he burned me to get high i hope my blood's still on his sheets i hope my voice still haunts his dreams i'm holding out for medicine to hold me while i sleep love songs make me sick and i write them all the time holding candles to my skin to fuel the storm inside tidal waves to drown me, hurricanes to make me blind baby, make it easy i've come this far for you when i ran, i tried to run to you but when you lied when you said you'd always tell the truth and you killed yourself to win the race but the finish line has turned to smoke and we all got ahead baby, make it easy we don't want to cry for you father doesn't smoke but he's still all black inside mother's words still burn her throat, alcohol and pesticide and if i miss you all my life, i'll carry your flag and the sun will rise baby, make it easy i'm not gonna die for you and if you find peace at the bottom of the sea, we'll sleep each night by the shore so you feel less alone baby, make it easy no one's gonna die for you
7.
Homesick 03:31
keep me far away from everything you love keep me far away from everyone i know i am nothing compared to who i used to be i am nothing compared to you i slept in the hotel lobby, i was homesick i drowned in the bathtub, i've never been more alive i called from a payphone thirty miles from my hometown i slept by the river with the guilt of one who survived i miss the footsteps in the morning and the way you pull your hair out when you're scared i see your early sunset eyes everywhere i tried my best but i was never quite prepared i watched the end of the world through my bedroom window while you wrote me letters of sorrow on the train i shattered my mirrors and threw my clothes from the rooftop as you rose with the sun and set with the evening rain tired tears and late night busted train tracks this malignant love is bursting out of my veins drive me home from the streetlights at three in the morning take what you want from me and i'll burn what remains
8.
stained glass window, holy water cold hands on the minister's daughter broken bones and a broken promise why are you so alone? why are you all alone? summer's fever, winter's rain sleeping through a hurricane bare skin and shivering you're not brave, let it go you're not brave, let me go songbird, songbird sing me to sleep everyone will stray, we're all wolves among the sheep songbird, songbird don't leave me here alone i've been waiting for you all night and i don't want to go you burned me faster than i burned my bridges and i lost you in the ashes cloudy eyes and baby bird bones you get so high when you're sad and you never come down songbird, songbird sing me to sleep everyone will stray, we're all wolves among the sheep songbird, songbird don't leave me here alone i've been waiting for you all night and i don't want to go
9.
you slipped suicide notes beneath my pillow as i slept and in the morning the sun didn't come up and the sun never came up again everything here reminds me of you and it's getting harder to sleep the sheets on my bed still smell like your skin and it makes me sick, you make me sick, but why did you have to leave? i told you "never die", i told you "never leave" i didn't want you to haunt me, baby you slept in the backyard under the tree i didn't want you to haunt me, baby i don't want you anymore i don't want you anymore while your mother arranged flowers in a vase downstairs i undressed in your room the night was quiet but the sirens blared in the evening gloom i find traces of your footprints on the floor i laugh at things i never would before who are you to make me new? who are you to leave? let's drink to our eternal life and all the things that brought us closer to the sky our endless passion, our endless strife when you pushed me to the edge but never let me fly the curtains open to the streetlight glow i didn't want you to haunt me, baby i wish i could sleep out in the snow, i didn't want you to haunt me, baby i don't want you anymore i don't want you anymore i don't miss you anymore i don't need you anymore
10.
Anemia 03:11
i turned sixteen and cut off all my hair to stop the eyes that followed me everywhere i am a child, i am a child, i am a child, i am pull out teeth with my bare hands but our love is just novelty, we'll take what we can get holding on to the shore as the tide came in my blood is toxic, my blood is thin dripping down beneath my translucent skin i am a child, i am a child, i am a child, i am forget my pills, fall asleep in class again the tv's on, it's screaming at me and i don't know what to do my arms are broken, i'm lying on the floor you're all i think of anymore

about

written, recorded and mixed by me over a period of several months. special thanks to ben for talking to me about ghosts.

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released May 17, 2014

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Flower Face Ontario

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